


The Story of Little Shit!Jarett

by HeavensMostAdorable



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Introducing little shit!Jarett, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavensMostAdorable/pseuds/HeavensMostAdorable
Summary: In which Jarett is a shit.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shortsighted_Owl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shortsighted_Owl/gifts).



> For shortsighted-owl bc we have made so many headcanons.

Jarett had been slowly teaching Scanlan Marquessian for a day or two now. He apparently had this book he wanted to learn how to read, but the gnome refused to let the guard read it or even see it.

And these lessons were getting _very_ boring. So Jarett decided to make it more interesting.

“Today, we should learn how to greet others in Marquessian.”  
“I just want to read-”  
“It’s a good thing to learn.” Jarett interrupted. “Let’s begin.”

_~  
An hour later_

“Gilmore!”  
“Scanlan, hello!”

Scanlan jogged up to the man. “Jarett has been teaching me Marquasian...Markeysia-”  
“That’s offensive.”  
“Well, he taught me how to greet people, can I try it out on you?”  
“Of course.”

After about two full minutes of throat clearing, Scanlan took a deep breath and said in Marquessian-

_“I fucked your mother.”_

Gilmore nearly choked on air. “S-say that again?” Dear Gods, he was trying not to laugh.

“ _I fucked your mother_.”  
“Well, I certainly hope you didn't.”

_~  
Later that day_

“That was a very cruel thing you did, dearest.”

Jarett chuckled. The two men were laying on a comfortable couch in Gilmore’s home, the younger of the two laying down with his head resting on Gilmore’s belly. “I thought it was funny.”

Gilmore laughed, his hands gently stroking the guard’s hair. “That it was, my captain.” He kissed his cheek. “Promise you won't cause such trouble again?”

“Of course.”

_~  
A few days later_

“ _These_ are drugs?”  
“Yes, of course they are."

Vax and Gilmore were suppressing hysteric laughter as Jarett held out a bunch of leaves he clearly picked up on the way to meeting Scanlan.

Why he still trusted him, Jarett had no clue.

“Thanks, man.”  
“Mhm.”

Scanlan took the “drugs”, looking at them with wide eyes.

“How do I use them?”

“Anally.”

_~  
A few more days later_

“Sherri, dear, do you have my...Oh, Jarett, hello! Darling, what are you read- _Oh_!”

Jarett grinned at Gilmore, holding out the book he was reading.

“I was growing curious about what book Scanlan was trying to read. It’s very informative.”  
“Is it now?” Gilmore chuckled. “May I have a demonstration?”  
“Of course, my love.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr larlarinlalaland


End file.
